Nine Times Wheeling
by OriginalPippie
Summary: The songfic conclusion to the Life Partner series.
1. Carlisle Wheeling

_Note: I do not own any of the lyrics used in this story. I believe you'll have to talk to Michael Nesmith about that._

Part 1

_In a long and involved conversation with myself  
I saw a precious thing come into view  
When I poured through the files taken off my mental shelf  
I dusted off some memories of youi_

Bam got out of the Lamborghini and walked slowly up to his house. Once he reached the door he looked down at his feet and held his breath. He had been away from home for a while and he had s0metime to think about everything. A knot formed in his stomach as he feared what he would face on the other side. He feared it, even though he came home to face it. He cracked the door open slowly and quietly stepped inside, hanging the keys on the hook.

_Then I thought about the times  
When all the world was green  
How the phoenix of our love first flapped its silver wings  
All the urgency and passion of each new day as it happened and how it all mellowed as it grew_

Making his way down the hallway, he paused once he reached the corner. He continued to gaze down at his feet before he turned the corner into the main part of the house. He entered the living room and stopped a few feet away from the couch. Bam didn't want to look up and show the great deal of shame on his face, and stood there with his hands shoved in his pockets. He then made a slight noise in his throat, hoping that it would cause the occupant of the couch to look in his direction.

"Novak?" He said softly

Novak sat, curled up on the couch staring sadly at the television. He looked as though he hadn't eaten, bather, slept or moved much in a while. He also looked to be an emotional wreck, and Bam imagined that his voice to be strained from heavy crying.

"So… look who comes crawling back." Novak said sorrowfully without looking up at Bam or even moving. He closed his eyes and turned his head slightly away from Bam's direction "What the hell are you doing here?"

"Novak I… I'm actually surprised to see you. I didn't think that you'd still be here."

"Where was I supposed to go? Even if I had the money and the energy to get my own place, I still wouldn't even have a way of getting there myself. I had no choice but to stay here Bam. Besides all I could do since you left was sit around and cry." He paused and sniffed "No one has ever hurt me that bad before, Bam."

"I was hurt too. I went through fucking hell when I was gone."

Novak turned his head and looked at Bam for the first time. His expression was no longer heartbroken, but angry.

"You went through hell?" he paused and took a breath "You _left_ me on our wedding night! And you were gone for over two weeks! What hell could _you_ have possibly gone through during that time?"

"Novak I spent every day that I was gone in a hotel room, putting myself down and feeling like the biggest fucking asshole in the world. I was hating myself so bad, thinking about what I was doing to you. You have no idea what was going on through my head. I…"

"I don't fucking care!" Novak shouted, cutting Bam off. Both men were nearly at tears "You weren't the one suffering from a broken heart. You weren't the one who had their whole life turned upside down because everything that they ever wanted and even believed in with all of their heart was suddenly gone, and they didn't know if it would ever return. You weren't the one that, _your_ mother by the way, found sobbing uncontrollably on the floor over there by the door, holding your rings in their hand. You weren't the one who had to suffer through the worst pain ever experienced day in and day out, as though you were grieving the death of a loved one." He paused to catch his breath. Tears began to fall from his angered, hurt eyes as he turned away from Bam "But you were the one who caused all of that. Why? Why did you leave me like that?" He blubbered

Bam tried to fight back his own tears "I'm sorry."

"You're sorry? After all of that, all you can say is you're sorry?"

"What do you want me to say?" His own tears began to fall "I'm nothing but scum who deserves to die and go straight to hell? Novak I don't know what to say or do to make you feel better. I can't stand to see you like this knowing that I caused it." He walked up to the couch and knelt down beside it. He looked at Novak through his tear-filled pleading eyes and placed a finger on Novak's side "Please don't do this to me. Please don't shut me out like this. You have no idea how sorry I am. I know how stupid I was for leaving you like I did. This is killing me Nov… Nov please look at me?"

"Why should I?"

"I… I still love you Nov."

"You have the worst way of showing it then. I don't fucking believe you Bam. It's going to take me a long time to get over this, and I'm probably never going to trust you ever again. You don't love me. I have a feeling that you never really did love me."

"How could you say that? If I don't fucking love you then do you think I would have come back?"

"Well of course you came back. This is your house. You don't care about me. You didn't even expect to see that I was still here. Bam please just do me a favor and leave me alone. I don't want to see you or talk to you right now."

"But Novak… I… you have to give me a chance to work things out with you. Please?"

"There's nothing to work out right now! I…" He stood up and began to walk away from Bam "I've moved back into my old room, which is where I'm going to right now. Do NOT come up there trying to talk to me! I don't want to be around you any more!"

He stormed away, leaving Bam there sitting on his knees. The bedroom door slammed shut, causing Bam's heart to shatter.

"Wh-what have I done? He's gong to hate me forever now. How am I supposed to fix this?" He asked the questions to himself as he drew his knees up to his chest, crying even harder than he was before "God I'm such a fuck up! I'm so fucking stupid! It's a wonder why any one would ever want to have anything to do with me."

Bam continued to sit there, putting himself down and sobbing into his knees. His whole world, and Novak's had been destroyed and Bam had no idea how to put the pieces back together again.


	2. Nine Times Blue

_Note: I do not own the lyrics in this song. I believe you'll have to ask Michael Nesmith about that._

Part 2

_There's a certain something in the way  
You looked at me and said you'd stay  
That let me know that I was out of line  
But I didn't know what else to do  
And like a fool I tested you,  
By demanding things of you which weren't mine_

After a while Novak came back downstairs to find Bam sitting dejectedly on the couch. Bam was in the same position and held the same expression that Novak held and sat in when Bam came home. Novak walked over to the couch and took Bam by the hand, gently lifting him up onto his feet. His expression as he looked at Bam was hardened, yet it still showed traces of tears.

"Bam before I'll be able to trust you again, even the slightest bit, we're going to have to talk about this."

"Nov I feel really horrible what I did to you…"

"Bam," He cut him off "I can tell just by looking at you that you're only beginning to feel a little bit of what you've put me through."

"I… I know. But you have to know that I…"

"Why did you leave like that?" He asked, cutting him off again

"Why? Well I… I don't think that I can give you any kind of answer to that that you would accept right now."

"Well give me something!"

"I was scared and I wasn't thinking straight. Then… the thought of my fans finding out about us being married… well that freaked me out. Before we actually got married, that whole day before the ceremony, I was trying to think of ways to escape this marriage. I didn't care about how much it was going to hurt you. All I cared about at that time was making myself feel better. I was going to come back, and I did. I just needed some time to be on my own. Now I'm more sorry than I ever was in my life. You said I have no idea how hurt you were, you have no idea how sorry I am."

"You were scared about what other people would think, and you needed to be by yourself? That's why you left? If you were so scared then why didn't you come to me about it instead of running away? It never mattered to me what other people thought about us and our relationship."

"I know, I know. I was stupid, I was beyond stupid. I should have been more concerned about your feelings and I should have come to you with my fears and doubts. I should have done all kinds of things that I didn't do. But that doesn't matter now."

"Then what does matter to you? You said yourself that you didn't even care about how your running away would effect me."

"I didn't mean it like that!"

"Then how did you mean it?"

_And now I feel like such a fool  
For making you crawl back to me  
But you did it with such love  
That you're standing far above_

"I… Novak please don't make me feel any worse than I all ready do. Let me tell you one thing. I didn't run because I had stopped loving you, Far from that. I still love you and I want to try to work past all of this."

"I've all ready said that it's going to take a long time for me to begin to trust you again."

"Please try?" Bam looked into Novak's eyes, trying not to cry again "I'm here now, and I'm not going to leave you again. I promise you I won't even think of leaving you again. Please just give me another chance."

_Me and all I did to you  
I'm sorry now, what can I do_

"Bam I don't know. You've really hurt me. How do I know that you can keep this promise?"

"You just have to try and trust me. Please? Don't make me beg, even though I'll get down on my knees and beg my ass off right now."

"Maybe you should beg. I have to see that you really mean your word, and begging would be a good start."

"Fine if that's what you want me to do, I'll get down right now." Bam said as he took to his knees "Novak please, please, _please_ give me another chance. I love you with all of my heart and I couldn't possibly leave you again if I tried. I really don't even deserve you and your heart, I don't really blame you if you never trusted me again. But that's all I ask from you Novak. I beg you, I double dog beg you, please Novak, allow me a chance to prove to you that you have heart and my soul."  
"I have to admit, that's some damn good begging, even for you Margera. I'm especially fond of the 'double dog beg' part." He stooped down and took Bam's clasped hands and gazed into Bam's still pleading eyes "You do look cute when you're begging like that. But it's still going to take us a long time before we're back to where we once were. I am willing to give you another chance but as soon as I think you're going to screw up I'm going to be the one to leave."

"Ok I guess that's fair."

_It's amazing how time can so softly change your ways  
And make you look at things that can't be seen_

Novak put his arms around Bam and placed his chin on Bam's shoulder "Thank you for coming back Bam. I don't know what would become of me if you hadn't."

"Thank you Novak." Bam said as he returned the hug "But don't you ever make me beg like that again."

"Don't give me a reason to, and I wont."

"So… so can we work through this?"

"I sure hope so."

"I really do love you, you know that?"

"Yeah, yeah. You've told me all ready. But just you coming in that door again showed it enough."

"What about you? You still love me, don't you?"

"I'm working on it. It's not going to be easy though."

"Ok… ok I guess I understand that."

"Just don't ever do this to me again, Bam."

"I wont. I don't ever want to experience something like this again as long as I live."

"Good."

_So forgive me my dear if I seem preoccupied  
If the razor edge of youth filled love is gone _

And if in the end we should go  
Both our separate ways  
I know the lesson I've learned here is worth at all

And now for the two songs that I put parts into the story: (both written/sung by Mike Nesmith)

**Carlisle Wheeling**  
_In a long and involved conversation with myself  
I saw a precious thing come into view  
When I poured through the files taken off my mental shelf  
I dusted off some memories of you _

Then I thought about the times  
When all the world was green  
How the phoenix of our love first flapped its silver wings  
All the urgency and passion of each new day as it happened  
And how it all mellowed as it grew

I remember the time that our laughter would explode  
And how you would turn to hide your smile  
Then the hours of silence while the perfumed candle glowed  
And both of us meandered on for miles

I remember the time I said I really had to go  
I remember the tears that filled your eyes  
Then I touched your hand and told you that it really was a lie  
And though you never knew I did, I cried

It's amazing how time can so softly change your ways  
And make you look at things that can't be seen  
How the years that roll by can start you listening  
Not just to what they say, but what they mean  
So forgive me my dear if I seem preoccupied  
If the razor edge of youth filled love is gone  
But we're both a little older, our relationship has grown  
Not just in how it's shaped, but how it's shown  
So forgive me my dear if I seem preoccupied  
If the razor edge of youth filled love is gone  
But we're both a little older and our relationship has grown  
Not just in how it's shaped, but how it's shown

**Nine Times Blue **  
There's a certain something in the way  
You looked at me and said you'd stay  
That let me know that I was out of line  
But I didn't know what else to do  
And like a fool I tested you,  
By demanding things of you which weren't mine

And now I feel like such a fool  
For making you crawl back to me  
But you did it with such love  
That you're standing far above  
Me and all I did to you  
I'm sorry now, what can I do?

I know that never in the world  
That I have found me such a girl  
Who's there to pick me up before I fall  
And if in the end we should go  
Both our separate ways I know  
The lesson I've learned here is worth it all

'Cause now I feel like such a fool  
For making you crawl back to me  
But you did it with such love  
That you're standing far above  
Me and all I did to you  
I'm sorry now, what can I do?

I know that never in the world  
That I have found me such a girl  
Who's there to pick me up before I fall  
And if in the end we should go  
Both our separate ways  
I know the lesson I've learned here is worth it all


End file.
